I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
