Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
