giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
