i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
