I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Success! We fucked roommates!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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