You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
