i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
