What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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