Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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