If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
