Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
