I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
