I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
