He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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