If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
