I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sext me about skeletons
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
