you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
