i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you had me at cake vodka
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
