Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize