I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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