I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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