lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
