3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Pants are for mortals
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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