i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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