just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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