I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
