He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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