I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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