I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
