birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
