I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
