just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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