Please, let me fuck your mom
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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