I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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