I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you traded sex for a burrito?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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