Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
