Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so let's talk penis.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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