Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I supernannyed him into submission
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
