I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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