How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
