you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
