I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
