Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So here I am, sexting at work.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
