I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
