I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
