I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
