Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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