Three words: puerto rican gang bang
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
