he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You took a bar mat shot.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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