I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dicks are not precious.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So here I am, sexting at work.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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