Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize