the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have already put on my inside pants.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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