real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
