my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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