I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
