you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
