I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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