If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize