I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You were trust falling into bushes
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
