Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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