But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
