i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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