my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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