she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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