He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize