the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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