Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Sober January is a disaster.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
