We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
